feeling 16, legally 21

I used to be scared of growing up, settling in, and being swallowed by the endless pits of boring routines and monotonous days. I can’t see myself being confined in a life that is filled with mindless routines, living up to my responsibilities but not living. I used to be so anxious about growing up, so sad when I get older by a year, and was against losing the word ‘teen’ at my age.

When I turned twenty, I was shocked. I did not plan in life because I thought life will stop when I turned nineteen. I thought creativity, imagination, and fun will subside because I am slowly leaving my childhood. I refuse to accept the fact that my life will be filled with boring responsibilities — is this the exchange for freedom? sadness and dullness?

But that was before, I just turned twenty-one. I am now legal worldwide, I have power in making ‘grown-up’ decisions, and I acquire wisdom that I thought everyone in their twenties have.

Something shifted, I don’t feel scared of growing up. I don’t feel scared of being succumbed to mundane days and repetitive routines. I feel free and liberated like my eighteen-year-old self who can drink without actually lying about her age.

I realized that at the end of the day nothing matters. All my worries and problems don’t exist and don’t affect me. All my happiness and joy don’t matter as well. If everything doesn’t matter, I might as well live my life to the highest potential. Right?