broken loop

I consider myself competitive. I can be competitive with what I am passionate about. I have this urge to be the smartest, prettiest, or likable person in the room. I look at myself as someone who can offer a lot. So yes, I might be competitive.

This competitiveness that I have bled through with my personal relationships with others. As a friend, I would always shower them with my love and time more than they ask for. As a daughter and sister, I will always be at their service even if they didn’t ask for it. As a lover, I would be choosing you every day even if I can’t choose myself that day. But with these relationships, both parties are always trying to reciprocate the amount of effort that is being given. With all of these relationships, it’s an endless loop of giving love and receiving love.

But,

I did not expect for our loop to end. I did not expect that this little competition that we have of who loves the one the most would end. And I did not expect that I would be the winner.

This is the only time that my competitiveness paid off and I don’t even feel good about it. And what’s funny about it is that even if I won I still continuously love you even if you accepted your defeat.